Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Why kindness is good for you
Why kindness is good for you
By Claire Buckis
Feel-good factor
But none of the above explains why we are kind when we choose to be. Rebecca Egan made one of the greatest sacrifices possible for someone she loved – she donated a kidney to her 57-year-old father. "It was one of the easiest things I’ve ever had to decide," says Egan, 34.
It was a profound act of kindness, but one she feels she could do only for a loved one. "I don’t know why, but I don’t think I could have just randomly given a kidney away – I would probably only consider it for a family member," she says. "At the same time, giving my dad my kidney did help someone else, because dad’s no longer on the organ donor waiting list, so someone can take his place."
Because of kindness, the human race prospered as a species
iStock Photos
Because of kindness, the human race prospered as a species
Some scientists say that because we’re altruistic only for the good of the group and to get a dopamine rush, it means kindness is actually, well, selfish. "Probably most altruism is self-interest at some level," says Bill Von Hippel, a professor of psychology at the University of Queensland.
Spread it around
"Who cares if kindness is selfish?" says author Catherine Ryan Hyde. Her book Pay It Forward followed the story of a troubled schoolboy who decides to start repaying every good deed done to him by performing three good deeds for others. The book was made into a movie and sparked a movement of people dedicated to "paying it forward" in real life. The movement illustrates how kindness can be truly selfless – strangers helping strangers with no expectations of personal gain.
Ryan Hyde says it doesn’t matter what motivates people to give – it simply matters that they have chosen to give in the first place. "If somebody helps me out, do I want them to feel bad about it?" she says. "If the helper and the helpee both feel good, it seems like a win-win to me. There’s no wrong way to perform an act of kindness."
Giving freely
Kindness has another similarity with happiness – it can’t be bought.
Professor Sam Bowles says economists often make the mistake of assuming people are inherently selfish, and that we will only do something good for a financial reward or to avoid a fine. But Bowles’ report, published in Science this year, found otherwise.
He reported research on six childcare centres that started inflicting fines on parents who were late picking up their children. After the fines were introduced, parents were twice as likely to be late. A similar study also found women were actually less likely to donate blood if they were paid. Bowles believes we resent the idea that our principles can be bought: we prefer to do good deeds for their own sake. "People enjoy being kind to others much as they enjoy eating ice-cream. It gives us pleasure," he says.
From little acorns
One synonym for the word kindness is the term humanity. Kindness is essentially a recognition of the fact that we’re all human, an acknowledgement that we’re all in this together. "Most of what makes life worth living depends on at least some of us being altruistic some of the time," Bowles says. "We cannot address problems like global climate change, the spread of disease and political violence by appealing only to selfish motives."
The good news is that it’s easy to train ourselves to be kinder. "People should simply do more acts of kindness than they usually do, and do them on a regular basis, like five acts of kindness every Monday," says Professor Lyubomirsky.
Kindness, then, is just a matter of choice – an attitude you carry with you that you can make a difference, however small, in someone else’s life.
Diego Villaveces believes kindness has to begin within ourselves. "Sometimes we lock people out to keep ourselves safe, but that also isolates us from the rest of the world," he says. "Every major religion has love as a universal principle. Kindness takes love to a gentler and more accessible level that most people feel comfortable with. Showing a little bit of kindness to people recognises that everyone around you is just like yourself."
From Reader's Digest Magazine - December 2008
P/S:
it pays to be kind =)
On a side note,
Currently watching this korean drama acted by Yoona of SNSD: "You're my destiny"
It struck me that the people doing the evil things are those who are not confident of themselves as a person, and they do not put enough trust in others. Hence, they backstab others and use them as stepping blocks to make themselves appear better in front of those that matters (ie bootlick).
Also, there will be existence of social status hierarchy. Like how the rich despise the poor when it comes to things like marriage. There's like always the expectation of marry someone of equal social status. Isn't one character the most important thing that one should look at instead of status?
Lastly, one should not easily believe negative comments, as it may come from a bias source and does not present the whole picture. There is always the tendency to be one sided and hold steadfast to my perception of things. Maybe it's just a defensive mechanism to make myself feel better, aka get back at people when they did things that pissed me off.
Adopt the optimistic outlook on life and take the opportunity to be kind to people. Maybe this will make people around feel good.
21:23
